I ignored someone's friend request. I feel sorry... but too bad.

By the way, i just realized i made a terrible mistake. I mistook number 88 locker as mine and even posted a note there to tell the owner to get the lock off. BUT NOW, I realized i'm wrong... D: My locker's somewhere else. Oh no. DEAD embarassing... aiyo...

mini nafa test tomorrow. chem test on wednesday. JUST KILL ME.

I'm losing my craziness. Or have i lost it? Oh no. That's bad.
I went back to AHS on friday after cross-country and hwee fen said that she doesn't see the craziness, the loose screw-ness in me anymore. I always come back from vjc with the serious look. I haven't really noticed that much change in me. But it seems like i'm no longer the same anymore. Maybe the environment factors affected me; maybe it's the people. But whatever it is, i don't enjoy that much craziness and fun in VJC. Is that a bad thing? I mean, my loose screw is supposedly fixed. But i don't want it to. Even a simple loose srew leads to a story in guides. I don't want to lose that important part of me.

Oh and thanks for the wishes :D

One thing that i'll never regret doing is to join snl.

Tired. Sleepy. But i have to study. So many things to do. So little time. Can't go for guides food trail. 8th March will be the day i leave for Bintan.

Jogged 3/4 of cross country. I was so proud of myself. I could have walked all the way.

I can't any o how do my chinese. I have to start paying more attention to it. And i need to start on other subjects. I need chinese to pull my grades up. Alright. Back to study.

I long for the days when I acted like James Bond and danced around in class while talking to people for more than 2 hours on the phone.

I hope tomorrow will be a day I’ll stop wishing Wenjing came to TJ instead of VJ, and Joel signed up for IP. 


Memories flooded through my mind. I daren't think any more or i'll find my eyes filled with water and the next thing i know, the tears will just roll out of it. I left AHS, to escape. From the suffocating religious views there, from all the bad memories, in search of a new environment, a new life. I've found a new environment, i've adapted, i made new friends, but everything weren't a bed of roses. Lessons are pretty unbearable coz i've no one to talk to, and chinese lessons just makes it worse. It was just last year, in 2B, where i had groups to join in, i was rarely lonely. Yet now in 13, it doesn't seem so anymore. 2B was more heart-warming, with people laughing at things that i do, frequently reminding me that i'm blur (not that i don't know) but those words make me feel that i'm cared for. Yet now, i barely hear laughter around me.
In guides, there were seniors, juniors and my beloved batch mates. We endured through everything together, from sickening PT, to foot drills (with a package of jumping jacks), time-limited gadget tying... And patrol interactions, (flowerpecker! I miss you!) when all my shit always come blurting out of my mouth, trying to keep the silence away. After guides when all of us lay around, scattered in the canteen or concourse, looking like a dead pile of people, resting and chatting, then there were always Evan, lifang and i making fun of cuiwen and taking forever to just climb down the bloody hill. It's like after i left, everyone moved on, busy with tests, homework, guides, as though i was never there before. They no longer have time for me. And in 13, it's even worse. I don't have someone to talk to. I'm stuck. In the middle of nowhere. I have to keep myself busy, always finding people to accompany me so that the loneliness wouldn't engulf me. But i know that it's still there. Everyone's in pairs in 13. Everyone has a group. Except me. There is no group that i can play and fool around like with Evan, cuiwen, lifang or with yeeling, and my beloved 2B dnt members and others in dnt clubs and of course, my sisters in guides. I was never really happy in class. Like what Matthew asked me once " Why are you always so emo in class?"
No. I don't regret leaving. Because i've learnt much more here in vjc and i see no point in regretting. But i miss everyone. Every. Single. One. Of. You. I may not have mentioned your names (As there're simply too many people) But you know who you are. And i miss you and the times we share. I hope to relieve those times again. But will you spare some time for me?

Today's a pretty boring day. Only thing that's worth mentioning is probably the Anderson ice cream guy's talk. It's supposed to be in chinese yet he kept talking in english and a bit of chinese and hokkien here and there. It was hilarious. I kept laughing. I think the teachers kinda got a shock. Haha. Fencing after that was playing games. Quite fun. And oh by the way, my bag was almost locked in the classroom. The auntie who locks the gates etc. is a real b****. I shan't elaborate. 3rd period PE tomorrow. :( OH YEAH. SCOTT!!! THANKS FOR THE PICTURE YOU DREW FOR ME. I LIKE IT VERY MUCH!!! (although i was thick-skinned enough to ask you to draw it for me)

You think you big ah? Don't reply me and you broke my heart. *sticks tongue out at you* Do you know how hurt and disappointed i was? Apparantly, you don't bother coz you are indifferent. INDIFFERENT. I shall forget that i ever added you on facebook. I shall forget all the memories, images of you when you're a non-primary school student. I'd rather you stay as that cute little P2 boy. To think i was so excited when i thought i found you. I still lost you after all. No. I don't know you. The boy i know has died.

Have you guys forgotten?

My birthday cakes. :D Mum bought it for me. :) Looks nice huh? And there are some french printed on the wrappings. Too bad it didn't taste that nice... The sushi's also part of the 'package' and it became my dinner. ;D

I expected much more

I wished that was not all

Perhaps i'm wrong

 Perhaps you've changed

 I waited and wished

Contained with excitement

You trampled on my hopes

Maybe unknowingly

If this is what it is

this is what you are

I'd rather my memory of you

stays in the time of childhood

The memories we share

Remains as clear and vivid

As you were a young boy then

And i was just an ignorant girl

The coldness freezes

And it was as though 

A hammer that hit 

And shattered my heart

I refuse to spoil

that image of yours

that i held on to

for years and years

Red was the colour

Lively you were

Yet from summer

It became winter

i hope i'm wrong

HAHAHA i'm feeling much better now. I went online and was spammed by messages. And the nice nice message from yeeling. :D AND AND my juniors remember my birthday!!! Rebecca and April spammed me with messages. HAHA. I think i'm going back AHS this friday. :D
Stayover on saturday!

Thank you 13 for the cake and the card!
Went to ice-cream chef after school to 'celebrate'. But well, it wasn't exactly considered fun, since it was just chatting and eating ice cream. It's like another meaningless birthday.
Farhana emerged as the first for wishing me happy birthday today, Angela coming in second. Yeah... I don't feel the 15-ness in me. After every birthday, i know i'm one year older, but it doesn't mean much. The importance of birthdays seem to be gradually fading. That seems like a sad thing...
ANYWAY, I'm old. 15 is an old age. The word 'child' is crossed out of my dictionary from now on. I'm a teenager. WOW.

It's my last day as a 14 year old... Awww. I'm getting old.

Right then,

i was full of anticipation

Right then,

i expected something more

Yet my hopes were dashed

utter disappointment

my insides were bashed

as reality strucked.

There was nothing more to be said

Haha It's like lost and found.
I found Teh Wen Jin!!! Damn excited and high now. WOW. Haha he added me on facebook. Changed damn lot. Almost couldn't recognize him. Haha. The feeling of exhileration when you found a long-lost friend. :D :D :D

Anyone wants to spend the friday with me???

I was supposed to do my homework and finish it up yet i ended up sleeping till 6+ pm. Not in the mood for homework but i still have to do it...

There was this angel mortal thing between 10v13 and 09v13 and Jamie's mortal is plain hilarious. He gave her a gift wrapped with newspaper. Inside, surprise present no.1 : some chicken sauce or something. Surprise gift no.2: Amath book cover. On the other side is a message. Who the hell gives that as present??? I laughed like shit all the way and when Jerrel (i think), Jamie's mortal and other seniors came up to our class, i looked at him and continued laughing non-stop. They were like ' what are u laughing at?'

Abdullah(angel) got marc(mortal) some pink mirror which was very girlish. And Marc wasn't gonna reply him and even 'refunded' his present. So in the end, Abdullah got our class rock and wrote 'Marc my words, revenge your angel will seek' on it. I don't remember the whole thing but it was amusing. Very interesting and funny. I was laughing all the way when the seniors were in the class till my stomach ached coz that was not all.
Sihui was next, going head over heels about Scott. He went a bit crazy, writing him loads of messages and his messages were really funny. Like did anyone bully you bla bla in chinese and it was the si han style. And he said he got Scott kaya or something but not carrots and Scotts likes his kaya. Then, he went to the board and spammed the board with his 'love' messages to scott. Arrow down, 'This is our destiny' points at his message. That was really classic. Oh and he added in his message: PS i'm not gay 我不是同性恋。 HILARIOUS. They are one fun bunch of people. Uproarious. New word of the day.

Birthday is troublesome. What with class funds, chinese new year, snl etc etc, i shan't pin high hopes in celebrating my birthday this year. Then i won't be in for another disappointment.

Today marks the closure of SNL. Weeks of rehearsing, getting myself tired out etc, but also learning new things, meeting new people, all in all, it was fun. The aircon in AVA is finally back! Though we've suffered for weeks before already... It was a success and it was more than full house!!! Some 13 seniors even had to sit on the stairs. So sorry... But now, i'm dead tired.

Today's a great day. Without morning of course. What with third period PE. BLEAH. *Sticks tongue out and vomits*
Sketch night live went on pretty well. It was quite enjoyable... Yan is funny. But his memory is horrible. Had fun chatting together while we waited for our piece though. And Hans' costume is classic. After drama it'd be so much more relaxing in a way. Since there wouldn't be any more rehearsals. :) But i won't get to meet all the fun seniors after snl... Alright. All good things have to come to an end. We learnt that in chinese. Got to bathe. Seeya!

Everything seems wrong

I still feel that wave of sadness hitting me hard on the face whenever i see something related to that incident. When i pause and think about it for a second more, memories just flood through. It's difficult to forget, especially the pain inflicted upon. I still feel it as though the wound was still fresh. I've tried. Really hard. To forget everything, to let go. But i can't. Perhaps it's because i can't forgive and forget. I don't know. The gush of emotions just come, smacking me hard and leaving me downcasted. I don't know. I've been running away from things. But even if i do face it, what difference would it make? Anger should overpower sadness but it doesn't seem so. Sixth sense, or women's intuition. Whatever you call it, i feel it. She must be there, spreading rumours, untrue gossips, talking behind my back, of her version of whatever happened between us, just like how she told me about others when we first met. All the sarcasm. I should be prepared to face this. I should have expected this. Maybe i just don't know her that well.
I walked passed, she called out to her friend 'Eh. My best friend' in total sarcasm. What else could it have meant? Literature together. I should have just hit my head hard against the wall.
It means nothing to her. Nothing.

Thë ÐuLLåh™» says:

i think i'll go friday night

i shall go invite my class mates

the faces of bobbie says:

kk thank you

u know abdullah's number?

it's faster to get tickets from him directly

«Thë ÐuLLåh™» says:

abdullah.

i think thats me

the faces of bobbie says:

oh

haha sorry

i mean adeeb

haha

 

 

Oh my i'm retarded

Friday--- chinese new year celebrations
 Until 9 15, i was still stuck in chinese lessons, counting down to the time that i'd be freed from lessons. Not that i had much of the festive mood, just that chinese new year is kind of a break from school for me to rest and catch up on some movies. The teacher gave us homework instead of red packets (such a huge 'present' aka bomb). And in a rush to the hall, i forgot to check which electives i got into. BLEAH.
Anyway, i didn't get my bangra dance. Edison LJB you still have half an unexplained joke. One year from now you better explain.
Alright so, after that i went back to primary school and realized i was the only one back. -.- chua zexuan pangseh-er.
Went back home and then out again for class dinner at seoul garden. It costed me $30 and now, there's a humongous hole in my pocket. Hence it's time to save up. DO NOT ASK ME OUT AGAIN FOR NOW. The meal wasn't exactly enjoyable. Well, it depends on what you look at.
We met the 09 seniors and it was pretty idiotic, playing some hide and seek game or something. In the end we at the back lost half the class and went walking with the seniors while Matthew urged us to run away from the seniors secretly. Then, we ended up running in the mall 'the iluma' just to escape. I can't believe i did that. Oh my. It was stupid. I didn't see the need to run away but just followed. We took the lift to the 'sky' and alas! We saw the seniors opposite us. Angela screamed and ran off the other way, towards the arcade, followed by huicong and Matthew. I blindly followed in and found the two boys sitting in a 'car' that's under maintenance. Angela happily went to play basketball. It was retarded and i mean RETARDED. Coz the rest of the class was at the rooftop garden and the seniors were there with them when i joined them. We went into the arcade when we were supposed to be meeting the rest of the class. All in all, it was hilarious.
Went back home with scholars and Hamzah. Yunjia and mimmie took another route while Tommy decided to go for the bedok one. When Hamzah left the train, Tommy said 'happy new year' and i was like you forgot the chinese. And Tommy said, 'Nevermind. He won't understand.'
I paused for a while and started laughing. Bacause Hamzah'a a malay. It's a bit of a deja vu considering that i sent Ainina 'happy chinese new year' message last year when she's not even celebrating it. I was laughing really hard in the train till everyone was like staring at me. Tommy's a funny guy to hang out with. :D
Reached home at 10 plus, did some stuff on computer before i went to bed at 12 plus. Woke up at 7am for drama rehearsals.
I'm glad my scenes are finally edited properly and not as awkward already. GO ANGRY MOBS!!! The scenes are funneh. Went home, had luch and slept till mum and grandma woke me up to get changed for dinner.
Reunion dinner
BBQ cum steamboat AGAIN. Damn full. Bonding session at Ah peh's flat. First time in history we aren't eating at ma place. My dad got news that he struck the lottery during the meal. Henceforth, someone's gonna pay for my fenicing equipments already. Youqin jiejie's back from england and she bought us presents. So nice of her. :D I got perfume for my birthday present from her while jieyao got spectacles box. I don't know if i'll even use the perfume but it smelt pretty nice. :) I'm so glad i took french. Or i'll never understand what the present was. Sleepy...

Geography
We were told to find each other's house in the map and mark it down during class activity and i saw a 'ham' in Tommy's map. I was thinking who the hell is 'ham' as in the meat that ham. In the end Tommy was like ' Oh it's hamzah' It was damn hilarious and i laughed like shit.

Seng Joe was as usual talking a lot of er scientific stuff that none of us understand and i think Nora was trying to concentrate or something, so it went like this.

Seng joe: $&*%£%
Nora: Can you please keep quiet and don't say your thoughts out?
Seng Joe: ......
*Wenjing laughs hysterically *
That was the first time Nora actually 亲自出马to force him to maintain the silence and peace within our group. Haha.

I'm so glad there are seniors there to help me with my work our i'm totally doomed. Thank you yimeng!!!

I bidded 2 points TWO for literature and i actually got in. WTH. My Economics!!! GONE!!! It was a devastating period of time for me but i got over it soon coz at least i didn't get History. Yay. Bleah.
Art club
It was like snacks session. Damn slack. And i managed to glue my fingers together. Wow. Quite cool. Just that i'll only turn up for oil painting.
Arkaye 7 dinner @ thai pan.
It's quite nice, the elders er i mean seniors, ordered the food and we had some sort of a mini tuan yuan fan. After the meal was sick jokes time and i'm 'proud' to say i get only about one out of the 5 or 6 jokes. Good job man. And the seniors refuse to explain to me. But it's still quite enjoyable, what with all the jokes and prank. VS guys are weird. Haha. Returned home late but the meal was worth it. :D

Today's PE lesson is like hell+shit. Training for cross country etc. And my dad just can't pass a day without scolding me and all the san zi jing. I feel like cursing but i shan't. CONTROL.
I'm dead tired. There may be new chairs in school today but the colours aren't nice and we have to stay back to wait and shift it. TIRED.

All of a sudden, i'm tired. Perhaps it's mood swing or what i don't know. Anyway, i'm feeling sad now. I just broke my cup. And i broke the glass lamp earlier on, got scolded by dad. There was already a crack there and when i put it down, it just cracked. My dad just yelled at me. Blah blah. Yet when i broke my cup, my grandma came to me looking worried. Yeah. That's the difference. He always scolds me. It's kinda saddening. He never bothers if i injure myself, does he?
And it saddens me to see that my grandma had gained a lot of white hair after being hospitalized and came back from recuperating at my aunt's place. I finally realized how old she already is. How fragile and tired out an old woman can be. Life is fragile. Yes it is. I'm tired.

After two whole years of perseverance, in a change of environment, i've actually hardened my heart to give it up. It may be the timetable or the hectic life in VJC. But alas, i know it's not the case. Deep inside, of laziness, of fear, of pressure, i don't want to continue any further. Even so, it's not easy to put it down especially when i did mug for the french tests for those 2 years. I still remember how i rejoiced over the fact that i passed my sec 2 french, the feeling of pure exhileration. After i fill the form, all would be nothing but memories.
For the sake of my studies, this is a choice that i have to make. And as some say, get your life back. Since i know i won't be able to cope, just end it early. I've never regretted taking this beautiful language though. Au revoir.

Above are the pictures taken on french lesson day and wow i managed to catch monsiuer quenot's in the sly. Too bad i didn't catch it while he's standing. His height is like WOW.

After sea sports at East coast, we went to suntec for orientation group dinner, then the dance by the waterfall. I was supposed to meet my OG for lunch in school and in the end i waited for like 1 and a half hours before they told me we would be meeting in suntec. In the end, sleepy from waiting, i headed to suntec for the supposedly lunch dinner. I'm so proud of myself coz i got up the correct bus, all thanks to the directory. I met yi meng there and some other vjc seniors. And i just followed them. Please lah can you imagine wenjing getting off at the correct bus stop herself??? Alright. I was early and met my class(only a few people actually) there. It was fun coz we talked and gossiped and what not. Then, met my OG and walked in circles looking for a place for dinner. We went fish and co. for dinner and well it was very filling but the food wasn't say very very nice. It was someone's birthday and we sang birthday songs, hence the two 18 years old now were on the chairs. And the staff in the restaurant had their own fish cheer. Wow. My OG had a lot of tall guys and they all look like eiffel towers to me. Eddison entertained us with his cat high jokes and we were like laughing all the way through. The meal prayer thing was funny. And most of the Jc ones just realised i'm not of the same age as them yesterday... Although there're times i felt as though i wasn't part of the OG, i still had fun and i think i'll miss my OG. :(  Btw i left the place to join my class at just acia without paying and upon realizing that, i went back to pay. The just acia thing was hilarious. I went in to see Matthew with a hair band. EWWW gay! And then Huicong wore this jacket and told me the red riding hood cum Nora joke. Oh my damn funny!!!

After that was waterfall!!! I went with my class but in the end we started forming lines and ran one whole round around the fountain shouting things like IP, 圣中etc. It was damn fun and i joined several groups, losing my voice as a result. There was a 13 line, arkaye line and blah blah. Wanted to start a third lang one but in the end it failed since everyone was starting to leave after the danceand Abdullah said no one will join the line for french and there were pathetically few people. I met Adeeb after shouting my 'sheng zhong, sheng zhong!' and we almost started a drama line but then, he said that we don't have enough drama people and it was called off. Never mind. I shall do both next year.

For the dance itself, i did none of the full dance since i forgot all. And in the end we resulted in free style. There was one that we had to dance with someone else but i didn't have a partner coz i was shouting 'sheng zhong, sheng zhong!' and got lost in the crowd when the dance abruptly began. But it was still fun and enjoyable. My voice was like so hoarse after a while but miraculously, i didn't get a sore throat. I was fine when i woke up this morning. I was damn high yesterday and enjoyed myself thoroughly. Even though it rained halfway through and that i got very drenched especially when the wind blew the fountain water towards my side, but the rain doesn't matter as my spirits were high!!! The council head who planned my sec one orientation, jia jie was dancing beside me. Haha i thought i'd never see him again but apparantly, he didn't remember me. Dancing in the rain is damn enjoyable. Although after that our bags were all wet and some spoilt their phones since the water went in. But LG was fine!!! Yesterday would really be the day to say farewell to everyone in my OG. I doubt we'd even come together again, nor will i even get to see them again. IP and JC are two different student bodies and we barely cross paths. But well. I think i'll still meet yi meng, considering that i'm joining fencing. And i think he forgot to send me a message. I don't have his number!!! Reached home at like 10 plus??? yesterday and i didn't bring keys out with my phone battery flat. Hence, got a dressing down by my mum. And she's still nagging at it today. Bleah.

Sketch night live going on fine and today's rehearsal is interesting!!!

Today was ok...
Electives briefing:
Not much choices that i like. In fact, i don't like any. But i don't have a choice and wenjing has to force herself to choose... :(

French lesson
Firstly, i'm late. Secondly, the bloody security guards with nothing better to do insists that i walk through another door idiots. Thirdly, french lesson was a bore and i'm proud to say, i learnt nothing today. WOW. I ended up chatting with Ainina and when told to answer, just uttered some shit.
It may be my last few lessons, hence i started to take pictures with Ainina and we were outside the classroom and we tried our best to avoid being seen by anyone. But we still failed in the end and was caught zilianing. It was embarassing but hilarious as we walked away to the other side of the corridor to get a quiet place to take pictures. We practically laughed our way through the whole corridor. The people who saw us were like staring at us at the back. Haha. I'll really miss her if i quit...
2 whole years of french, we travelled home together, dozed off in class together, laughed at weird people together, chatted about all the random stuff together, cursed french conjugasions and so many things together... Oh....
Sea games and mass dance at suntec fountain tomorrow!!!

Ze xuan kicked the white paint off and we ended up cleaning the class. The floor was all white, all the way to the toilet. I was really angry at first but it's quite a class-bonding exercise, i realized after that. In fact it was kinda more enjoyable than jc orientation. haha.
13 Don't touch the floor!!! Floor!!!
The 13 seniors broke the windows and we 'painted' the floor white. Wow. The legendary 13 always leave a mark behind. YAY.

CCA showcase today. I realized i'm interested in so many CCAs. Haha. I signed up for 4 but there's one i'm definitely not going for. Coz there's Physical Training!!! Finished the ice cream voucher. Happy Birthday hui yang!!!

Last day of JC orientation.
It was alright at the start, until the mass dance (and huicong and tristen left the orientation to go slack; leaving me all alone in arkaye) and i was so lonely and deprived of someone to talk to and very very depressed and frustrated. Hence, i couldn't stand it anymore and went to look for Farhana. Tommy was somewhere around too. It was so much more enjoyable after that. When you are the only IP 1 in a group of about 10 people and the others are all JC students, you can totally see the difference in the mindset of the different age groups.  For the whole day, i was so deprived of someone to talk to. Hence, i wouldn't say today is very enjoyable. Anyway, today's the last day of JC orientation, that i just realized. (I thought we'd be having activities together on Friday) And now, truth is that i don't know what to think or rather, feel. Sad or happy? In a way i'm kinda freed from the overpower of JC students but no matter what, we've still spent the past few days together. Henceforth, i think i shall just remain neutral.
There's a dancing mass dance in suntec on friday and i heard it's optional. Quite a few in my class aren't going but the seniors encourage me to go. So should i go or not? I'll just have to hope that i get someone to go with me...

Today's orientation was pretty fun in a way. Haha. After that was dinner at east coast. I finally realised how sick JC ones can get. I don't understand half the jokes they say. -_-" I feel so much like a child with them. Haha at least i'm young.
And then, was the interesting night walk back with a JC one senior. We kept talking coz it was dark and pretty creepy... So, in the end we walked the carpark way coz there's more light and we saw-----_____.
I was like 'What?!' at first. But my companion was pretty calm. She just said "They are making out." in a matter of fact way. After ten seconds, i finally realized what i saw and i was like "what the heck?". I thought it only happens in drama. Oh My Gosh. And there were TWO couples. TWO!
Good thing their clothes are still on. But still, MY EYES ARE POLLUTED!!!
1 hour to get home. At least it's an accomplishment. I got home in 2 hours the previous time.