a failed friendship

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Carmen, friendship through moulding yourself to fit in isn't friendship. It's like a jigsaw. If you can't fit in, you just can't. You can't force the pieces to be joined. Even if you can, it's still wrong. After all, they weren't meant to be.
You're fine just by yourself.
You see, I have to understand this sometime or another.
I'm so sick and tired of this problem, since I've been forced to talk about it non-stop for the past 48 hours. I've been thinking and worrying over it for months it was such a depressing period for me and u got it over within 48 hours well yeah that's so great of u. And well you are FORCED to think about it whereas i had no choice but to be stuck with the problem for months
I'm just asking you politely and nicely, please read this, on my behalf, and realise the problem does not lie with our project work. Our project work isn't the one breaking friendships up. project work is the one that made us realise what's wrong with each other, our bad and our good (if there ever were)
And I'm not hinting annoyance or anything, but I'd be lying blatantly to say I don't feel anything about it.
Friends are there for you when you need them. so our friendship never meant anything to you. it comes and go just like some hi bye friends then i'm sad to say that i've wasted all the time with u
Have you ever been there for me? All you think of my problems is that it's no big deal. You brush them away. i did my best to help u with your problems. Because of your dnt project, i have to stop what i'm doing and go all the way up to the 4th floor just to meet you online and comment on your work and if this is what u think, there's nothing i can say i did my best aleady
But when you need help, well, that's a totally different matter. You get to me quicker than the speed of light, you do. if u realise, i don't go to you for help most of the time coz i know u can't be of much help and also, i have other friends whom i find it easier to approach
But that's the only time you ever bother listening.
It's cool. After all, friends to you are those who listen only to YOUR problems. So it's okay if you don't listen to mine. is your memory failing you? i did listened to your problems and well u prefer to tell it to someone else and not me so i don't know what happened and you blame me for that?
Is that so?
Friends should learn to accept my negative points. I've tried accepting yours. You insult, you make fun of me, i tolerated all coz i know it's just your way of communicating. For months i said nothing and you never once apologized for it. I don't expect you to say sorry anyway but seriously, everyday i go to school just to hear u saying stuff like your big nostrils; i'm so pretty and you're so ugly. i go home, force myself to forget everything and the cycle continues the next day 
No one is perfect. (After all, life would be boring if everyone were.) But then again, yes, it's true, our bad points irk us every once in a while. Hey, take it from your self-confessed perfectionist, yours truly, it's true.
But what is our negative point?
Is it my negative point because I'm more studious, and your life is more carefree? you don't even know me well. you think that just because i joke around my life is carefree? i joke to make those around me laugh to lighten the atmosphere and sometimes i can even make fun of myself to make those around me happy. it may appear to be carefree but you never saw what lies beneath. If i were to be so serious, i wouldn't even be able to survive at all with all my commitments
Is it my negative point that I tend to try to make our project works more perfect if we have the ability to, but you feel that your duty is done once you complete merely your part? u can call me at night, when i'm walking home from third lang in the dark and call me to go online IMMEDIATELY and i have to comply u. u make all these unreasonable requests and i tried my best i have my life and i'm busy. I need rest too and you deprive me of that just because you want it perfect.
Well, I can't answer these questions, since it's subjective.
And so, is it the project's fault we're having differences on how we view our projects? That's why I'm so passionate about this. Your actions in a project don't affect just you, it affects the whole team. So why are people blaming the project? we shouldn't even have worked together fom the start u realised if i hadn't controlled myself i would have yelled at you ages ago?
Is it my negative point that I get worked up when I spend half an hour trying to coax you to cooperate with us and work on our PW food packaging? I was trying to get you to please forget about your goddamn french test and think about the three other people standing there, trying our best to make the project work. We wanted to get good marks, not for the perfectionist, no, but for everyone in the group. And remember that he has NCC. I have Council. She has NPCC. You're not the only busy one.i remember that hsin ning and guang jun are much more free than i am. i have french and guides, because of the packaging i spent the whole day doing it and didn't even get to prepare for my french test at all. next day u just tell me that you don't like it and u dont use my packaging at all. i did all i could to prevent myself from going berserk and because of the project that we're working on, I AM NOT SHOUTING AT YOU
Just try to understand, this isn't my fault that I got so stressed out trying to make things work because the group couldn't make any decisions fairly without your opinion first.
I understand if you were tired. But we all are. Even when I'm tired, like when I came back from the sec 1 camp, having gone more than 2 days without 5 hours of sleep combined, I still respond to people. And why is that? Because I know when people talk to me, they are seeking a response. It isn't fair to them if I just block them out like that. That would be wrong on my part.i don't respond because i hate talking to you. it's really irritating to hear your voice sometimes.
Do you get how hard it is to deal with someone like that? I think I've offended you, since you're blatantly ignoring us, but I don't know what I did. And it used to hurt, till I got over it now.you made fun of me spit water and chased me i told u to stop but u never did. u said that you'll stop when i tell you to but did u? u never did. thus i ignored u, spent the whole day calming myself down, forgot about all by the next day and there u are, insulting me all over again when u didn't even apologize at all
I know you're busy, and I feel your pain for that. But do you honestly know how much I go through?
And I know you think I'm some star of a freakshow because I want to get the best marks I can, and excel in Council at the same time.
Let me show you how much the freak does, okay?
You tried (if you even tried) editing the Victory diary, right? (C'mon. You made a comment. That's not editing.) And you made our elit powerpoint, right?
Well I did the Victory diary entry.
I did the cover.
I did the powerpoint.
I bothered bringing the powerpoint.
I wrote our skit's script.
I organised the props.
I initiated everything.
I edited your powerpoint, and put in the subtitles we needed.
So if you're tired, just think how much more tired I am. I have a lot of commitments too, just like you.i know you did a lot but did u even give others the chance to do it? u always inform at the very last minute and reject all that we did in the end. i'm sick and tired of it that's why i can't be bothered anymore. i hate it to work with u
Besides, if you were really my friend, you would try talking it out, at the very least.it took me so long to realise you're not worth to be my friend
It's sad to say, I failed to converse with you about this topic, and I regret this. Because you were as enthusiastic as a laying log.u were the one who did me wrong at first and while u continue your life ever so happily and i go on my own way, alone in class trying to figure out what next u, say i should talk to you when u didn't even initiate it. u just ignored me and continued playing
But project works isn't breaking us apart, it's us.
And consider that maybe, just maybe, it's not me, it's you.
I'm not saying I'm totally 100% innocent here, because maybe I pushed too hard, but no one said anything, so it's my bad for that.
But honestly, woman. What do you want me to do if you won't even TALK?you want me to talk and shout at you? i wanted to end all of these quietly yet u had to hurt me with this post
Yeah, it is. It is impossible.
I've been trying so hard since I genuinely thought I'm supposed to let you know about this issue, as a friend. But it kinda didn't work out that way, so, I'm moving on.
I don't have much time for this shit. If we talked nothing would have happened. It looks like it's too late, so I'm gone.nope if we had talked, we would just totally ignore each other. now you're acting as if nothing happened between us at all but, i can't. u just make me feel that you're a hypocrite.
I'm strong on the surface,

Not all the way through.

I've never been perfect,

But neither have you.i know i'm not perfect but things just can't wok out between us so why can't u just let go?
- by caaaarmen(: ranting halted at 9:08 PM Comments
yeah that's it. a failed friendship and all that was bottled up in me is finally vented out. we owe each other nothing now and i am glad to say from now on, i shall forget about you. i intended to be just normal friends with you but your insults and posts just hurt me so much that i don't think you're worthy to be one. You ended all these yourself and my sec 2 life had been half-ruined because of you. You're an eye-opener and that i'm glad to know you nevertheless. I never knew i had such high tolerance level. Now when i look back at ahs, all i think about is what happened in this school, all the depressing times. I am telling all those out there reading, my friendship with her can never be repaired. i feel like i've always been her toy, to bully. She never treated you like that and trust me. No matter how much she made fun of u, she still made cards and notes for u, treated u as a true friend. but she never did to me. that's the difference and i am not saying that u can't be friends with her. i can't order u but all i want to let u know is that u cant have two best friends. ultimately u will lose one. as long as she's still there, we will still be affected. I don't know if everything on your blog is your heartfelt words but all i can say is that i don't know what you are thinkng. whenever u laugh and joke around with her, i don't know if she means more to you and i really did consider giving up. it's tiring, to not be able to talk to you whenever she's around and all the hiding. i know you're sick and tired of this topic but i just have to be sure of what you're thinking. if this isn't solved, i fear that one day we'll just become strangers.