no regrets

These few months, i've thought a lot. So much that i felt as though my brain was about to burst. So tired of thinking of my choices that i really didn't know what to do. But, ever since from a long long time ago, even though i hadn't realised it, i had already made a decision, deep in my heart. Probably it was a few days before the interview, probably it was after all the wonderful times that i had spent with my cca mates, classmates. I was confused, for a long while, after you told me that you were leaving. Mixed feelings. I would say. But still, don't feel sad or disappointed for me. For i don't feel any sense of regret that i didn't get into Vjc. Ip is not only about leaving Anglican High. It's not just running away from my problems or from all the unpleasant incidents that i had experienced in this school. Ip is about the courses, my studies, my future. If i really do get in, i would have to study all subjects, which would be very tiring. Also, if i were to fail any subjects, i would be kicked out of the school. It doesn't suit me. Everything in Ip is not suitable for me. I've figured that out long ago. After the admission test, i suppose. If i were to stay, i would be able to study my double science, art, and my 2.4 run would still be the discounted track. Even though i'm hesitant about my cca, my third language and many more things, Anglican high is still more relaxed than vjc. I may escape to ip, but only to end up in another pit of troubles.
What really made me feel more certain and firm about my decision,to not look back and regret, however, were my seniors' reaction. It was surprising, but really comforting and warm. When they asked me if i am going ip, i said no and their reaction was really like what you would see in soap operas, those very exaggerated scenes. They were shouting in joy, saying 'yes, yes, yes!' and 'yay!'. I was surprised, since i never knew that i would mean any more than just a junior to them. Also, Clara had just joined our patrol and we only really knew each other this year. We kind of had difficulties communicating at the start, but her reaction was really of pure delight. It was really comforting. Maybe things may be not as bad as i thought it would be.